Empathy: Why It Matters, and How to Get It by Roman Krznaric

The Case for Taking Empathy Seriously

Most people say empathy is important. Few treat it like a skill that can be trained.

In Empathy: Why It Matters, and How to Get It, Roman Krznaric argues that empathy isn’t a soft personality trait reserved for “naturally caring” people. It’s a disciplined practice - and one of the most powerful forces shaping relationships, leadership, politics, and culture.

His core claim is simple but sharp: if we want better societies, better workplaces, and better relationships, we need to intentionally expand our empathic capacities.

Not sentimentality. Not vague niceness. Actual perspective-taking.

What Krznaric Means by Empathy

Krznaric separates empathy from sympathy.

Sympathy = feeling for someone.
Empathy = stepping into their shoes and feeling with them.

He breaks empathy into two main forms:

Cognitive empathy - understanding another person’s perspective.
Affective empathy - emotionally resonating with what they feel.

Healthy empathy blends both. Too much emotional absorption without perspective leads to burnout. Pure intellectual analysis without emotional connection feels cold and transactional.

He’s not arguing for emotional overwhelm. He’s arguing for emotional literacy plus disciplined imagination.

The Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

One of the most practical sections of the book lays out six habits anyone can build:

1. Cultivate Curiosity About Strangers

Empathy grows when you deliberately engage people outside your social bubble. Different classes, backgrounds, ideologies. Comfort zones shrink empathy; curiosity expands it.

2. Challenge Prejudices and Discover Commonalities

Most bias survives because it goes unexamined. Krznaric pushes readers to question inherited narratives and actively look for shared humanity.

3. Try Experiential Immersion

Don’t just read about other lives - experience slices of them. Volunteer. Shadow someone in a different role. Travel differently. He argues lived exposure beats abstract knowledge every time.

4. Practice the Art of Conversation

Deep listening is rare. Most people wait for their turn to speak. Empathy requires suspending your own agenda long enough to fully inhabit someone else’s reality.

5. Travel in Your Armchair

Literature and film are empathy machines. Stories train the imagination to inhabit minds and lives unlike our own.

6. Inspire a Revolution

Krznaric widens the lens: empathy isn’t just interpersonal - it’s political and cultural. From social movements to design thinking, systems improve when perspective-taking becomes the norm.

Why This Book Hits Harder Than It Looks

At first glance, the book feels gentle. But underneath, it’s disruptive.

Krznaric suggests modern culture rewards self-promotion, speed, and certainty — all enemies of empathy. Slowing down to deeply understand someone else can feel inefficient. It can threaten your worldview. It can make you uncomfortable.

That discomfort is the point.

He reframes empathy not as moral decoration, but as a corrective force against polarization, inequality, and shallow leadership.

Where It Shines

Accessible without being simplistic
Blends psychology, philosophy, and real-world examples
Practical enough to apply immediately
Expands empathy beyond personal relationships into societal design

It’s not academic theory for theory’s sake. It’s usable.

Where It Might Frustrate Some Readers

If you’re looking for tight neuroscience or highly structured research frameworks, this isn’t that book. It leans more philosophical and narrative than data-heavy.

Also, if you prefer sharp contrarian takes (like those from critics who argue empathy can mislead moral judgment), this book takes a firmly pro-empathy stance.

Who Should Read It

Leaders who want to build trust instead of compliance
Coaches, therapists, educators
People navigating polarized environments
Anyone who feels modern discourse has lost its humanity

It’s especially powerful if you work with people professionally - empathy becomes less of a personality trait and more of a strategic advantage.

The Bottom Line

Empathy: Why It Matters, and How to Get It argues that empathy is both a moral imperative and a trainable competency.

Krznaric doesn’t ask you to become softer.
He asks you to become more perceptive.

And in a world that rewards speed and certainty, that’s quietly radical.