Coaching Guide: Listening vs Noticing

Moving from Hearing Words to Reading the Whole Story

Why Noticing Matters

Listening is where every great coaching conversation begins — but it’s not where it ends.
When we only listen, we collect verbal data. We hear stories, facts, and surface-level meaning.

When we notice, we gather something deeper.
We notice energy, tone, body language, shifts in emotion, patterns in speech, and even what’s not being said.

Noticing expands your awareness and sharpens your presence. It gives you richer data — from your head, heart, and gut — to guide what you do next: whether that’s asking a question, holding silence, or challenging an assumption.

In coaching and leadership, noticing is your secret superpower.

The Difference Between Listening and Noticing

A coach who only listens hears what’s spoken.
A coach who notices perceives what’s true.

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The Four Arenas of Noticing

To notice effectively, broaden your awareness across four areas:
Yourself, the Other Person, the Relationship, and the Context.

1. Noticing Yourself

Before you can notice others, you must notice yourself.
Your internal state shapes the quality of your attention.

What to Notice

• Your body: tension, stillness, breathing, posture.
• Your emotions: curiosity, irritation, empathy, impatience.
• Your thinking: assumptions, judgments, distractions.
• Your energy: alert or flat? grounded or rushed?

Why It Matters

If you’re caught in your own noise, you can’t tune into the subtle signals in someone else.
Self-noticing helps you reset in the moment and choose how you want to show up.

Practice

Before each session, take 60 seconds to centre yourself.
Ask:

• What am I bringing into this space?
• What does my body need right now to be fully present?

2. Noticing the Other Person

This is where most of your attention goes — but it’s not just about hearing their words.
It’s about seeing the whole person in front of you.

What to Notice

• Body language: shifts in posture, gestures, eye movement.
• Tone and pace: energy spikes, hesitations, silence.
• Emotion: what’s being felt but not named.
• Inconsistencies: when the words don’t match the tone.

Why It Matters

People reveal more through how they speak than what they say.
Your noticing can help them see themselves more clearly.

Practice

During a conversation, pick one sense to amplify — for example, your eyes.
Observe everything you can visually. Then reflect:

• What did I notice that I might have missed otherwise?

3. Noticing the Relationship

Every coaching exchange lives within a relationship. The dynamic between you and your client (or team member) is constantly shaping the conversation.

What to Notice

• The emotional field: Does the space feel safe? tense? energised?
• Patterns of interaction: Who leads? Who withdraws? Who seeks approval?
• The balance of power: Is it equal, or slightly tipped?
• Your own responses: Are you drawn in or holding back?

Why It Matters

The relationship is the coaching.
When you notice shifts in trust, energy, or openness, you can name them gently and invite reflection.

Practice

Halfway through a session, pause internally and ask:

• What’s happening between us right now?
• How might I acknowledge or reset this dynamic?

4. Noticing the Context

Zooming out helps you see the bigger picture. Every person operates within a web of systems — work, family, culture, identity, timing, and environment.

What to Notice

• Systemic influences: organisational culture, hierarchy, expectations.
• Environmental factors: location, timing, setting, distractions.
• Unspoken rules: what’s allowed, what’s off-limits.
• Timing: is this the right moment for this conversation?
• What external pressures might be influencing this person’s story?
• How might context be shaping their behaviour or choices?

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The Five Channels of Noticing

Noticing uses your whole being — not just your ears.

Why It Matters

Context shapes meaning. Without it, you risk interpreting behaviour too narrowly.
By noticing the wider system, you coach the person in their world, not in isolation from it.

Practice

After a session, reflect on:

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Turning Noticing into Action

Noticing is only powerful if it informs how you respond.
The key is to use what you notice without imposing.

Try this simple cycle in every conversation:

1. Notice – what’s happening within and around you.
2. Pause – let space do some of the work.
3. Process – bring awareness to what you’ve sensed, gently.
4. Respond – with a question, silence, or reflection that moves the conversation forward.

Example

You notice your client says “I’m fine” with a tight smile.
You pause, sense the mismatch, and softly ask:

“You say you’re fine, but your face tells me something else. What’s happening for you right now?”

That single observation might open a door words alone never could.

Reflection Prompts

Use these prompts to strengthen your noticing muscle after each coaching session:

• What did I see, hear, feel, and sense during that conversation?
• Where did my attention go — and what might I have missed?
• How did my noticing shape the flow of the session?
• What surprised me?
• What’s one thing I’ll pay more attention to next time?

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In Summary

Listening gives you data.
Noticing gives you depth.

A great coach or leader listens with their ears — but also sees with their eyes, feels with their heart, thinks with their head, and trusts their gut.

When you learn to notice across yourself, the other, the relationship, and the context, your conversations become more real, more informed, and more transformative.

The next time you coach or lead, don’t just hear what’s said.
Notice everything.
And let your awareness do the work that words can’t.