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A Coach’s Tool Guide: To Giving Feedback That a Coachee Can Truly Embrace
As a coach, feedback is one of your most powerful tools.
And one of the most misunderstood.
For many coachees, feedback carries a negative charge.
Anxiety.
Defensiveness.
Dread.
That makes sense.
Most people have experienced feedback as criticism.
Judgement.
Or a surprise attack they did not consent to.
In coaching, feedback serves a very different purpose.
And when used well, it becomes a catalyst for learning rather than resistance.
What feedback means in coaching
At its simplest, feedback is information.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Its intent is positive.
Always.
In a coaching context, feedback exists to support learning.
To deepen understanding.
To expand awareness.
As a coach, your role is not to fix.
Or to tell.
Or to correct.
Your role is to shine a light on what the coachee may not yet see.
Their blind spots.
The impact of their behaviour.
The ripple effects they create.
When awareness increases, choice becomes available.
And choice is where growth lives.
The coachee decides what to do with the data.
What to keep.
What to change.
What to experiment with.
Feedback in coaching is not about driving action.
It is about empowering informed choice.
That is why how you give feedback matters as much as what you share.
Why feedback often fails in coaching
Even with positive intent, feedback can land badly.
Usually for one reason.
The coachee is not ready to receive it.
No permission.
No context.
No psychological safety.
Without these, feedback feels imposed.
And imposed feedback is rarely embraced.
That is why effective coaching feedback always begins with CDA.
The CDA framework for coaching feedback
Contract. Data. Action.
This structure creates the conditions for feedback to be experienced as learning rather than judgement.
Step 1. Contract
Create permission. Build readiness. Preserve choice.
Contracting is a coaching discipline.
It signals respect.
It reinforces autonomy.
Before sharing feedback, explicitly check whether the coachee is open to receiving it.
You are inviting them into a learning moment.
Not pushing information at them.
This keeps the coaching relationship clean.
And aligned with the coachee’s agenda.
What contracting sounds like in coaching
- Would you be open to some feedback on that session
- Is now a good time to share an observation I made
- I have noticed something that may support your learning. Are you happy for me to share it
This step increases psychological safety.
It lowers defensiveness.
It prepares the nervous system to listen rather than protect.
If the coachee says no.
Respect it.
Contract a different moment.
Choice always remains with them.
Step 2. Data
Raise awareness through observation, not interpretation.
Once permission is given, you move into data.
This is the heart of feedback.
Data is what you noticed.
From your perspective.
Without judgement, meaning or assumption.
To keep feedback clean and useful, use the SBI model.
The SBI model
Situation. Behaviour. Impact.
It gives coaches a simple, disciplined way to share observations that support learning.
Situation
Anchor the feedback in a specific moment.
This helps the coachee recall the context clearly.
Examples
- In our last coaching session
- During the role play earlier
- When you described the team meeting on Monday
Specific always beats general.
Behaviour
Describe what you observed.
Stick to what was said or done.
Avoid labels.
Avoid assumptions about intent or motivation.
Examples
- You paused several times before answering
- You spoke quickly and did not pause for reflection
- You repeated the same phrase three times
This keeps the feedback factual and non-threatening.
Impact
Share the effect of the behaviour.
This is where awareness expands.
You might name the impact on
- you as the coach
- the coachee’s thinking
- the wider situation they described
Examples
- It made it harder for me to follow your thinking
- It seemed to limit the options you explored
- It reduced the space for reflection
Impact links behaviour to consequence.
And consequence fuels learning.
SBI in practice
Here is how this might sound in a coaching session.
When you were describing the team meeting earlier
you spoke very quickly and moved between topics
and it made it harder to fully explore what mattered most to you
Clear.
Neutral.
Learning focused.
Step 3. Action
Turn awareness into choice, not instruction.
After sharing the data, pause.
This is where the coaching happens.
Resist the urge to advise or solve.
Instead, invite reflection.
Powerful coaching questions include
- What are you noticing hearing that
- What sense do you make of this
- What choice does this open for you
This keeps ownership with the coachee.
And reinforces feedback as information, not direction.
Awareness first.
Choice second.
Action emerges naturally.
How CDA and SBI work together in coaching
CDA creates safety and structure.
SBI delivers clean, usable data.
Together, they transform feedback into a learning dialogue.
Contract
Would you be open to some feedback about how you explored that challenge
Data using SBI
When you talked about the conflict with your colleague
you focused mainly on what they did
and it limited exploration of your own influence
Action
What are your reflections
What do you want to do with that awareness
A final reflection for coaches
Feedback is not about being nice.
And it is not about being harsh.
It is about being intentional.
When feedback raises awareness, it unlocks choice.
When choice is present, learning accelerates.
Contract first.
Share clean data.
Invite action.
That is how feedback becomes something a coachee genuinely embraces.